5 Surprising Reasons to Argue with Your Spouse

Arguing with your spouse can be one of the most beneficial growing opportunities you’ll ever get, contrary to what you’ve been told, I’m sure.

Have you ever heard someone say when it came to their relationship that they “never argue?” Whenever I hear anyone say that, I automatically think one of two things- 1: “Bull poop!” or 2: “What’s wrong with you?”

Arguments are important in a relationship. It gives the two of you a chance to grow in your relationship, to not feel like one is dominating over the other. It stimulates a sense of respect for each other and gives a chance to learn humility and charity.

Most importantly, it gives you a chance to make up with each other.

Of course, I am not suggesting you get in to or stay in a hostile relationship, nor am I condoning fighting, physical or mental abuse, or any type of forced submissiveness. If you are in a relationship where this is the case, get out! I hope that is clear enough.

The point here is, there are going to be disagreements in a relationship, and those disagreements, if done right, can and will be great for your relationship.

So let’s pick apart the reasons why I mentioned above.

1. The Opportunity for Growth

When we get to hear another point of view we always have two choices. Ignore it and pay no attention to it or take it in and learn. In essence, whenever we learn we grow.
T. Harv Eker. Author of the book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, often uses the phrase, “If you are not growing, you are dying.” Just like a plant. Either the plant is growing or it is dying. Staying in a static state is impossible.
When you argue you have the choice to ignore the other person and what they are asking for or you can grow by listening, even if it isn’t exactly what you want to hear, and figure out how you can give them what it is they want.

2. To Not Feel Dominated

In a relationship it is good to express yourself and your opinion, at the right place and the right time, so you feel like you are a contributing part of the relationship. If you always hold your tongue, or never give your opinion, you will end up feeling as if you don’t really matter. It is a quick way to a depressing lifestyle. When you express your opinion, it also allows for the next point…

3. Stimulate a Sense of Respect for Each Other
As a husband, I want to know my wife has an opinion. It makes me have respect for the person I am along this journey with. Hearing her opinion lets me know I have married a strong, intelligent and often passionate woman who will in turn, teach that to my girls and my son will look for that in a woman. Any man who does not want his wife to express her opinion and to only keep quiet is a not what I call a man. He is a male person who is only interested in dominating and controlling, full of pride.
As a Christian man, we believe there is an order of things in a marriage. That the man is the head of the household. Sometimes this gives the man a sense of unrighteous dominance over their wife. This is not of God. The wife is a helper to the husband.
“The Lord intended that the wife be a helpmeet for man (meet means equal)—that is, a companion equal and necessary in full partnership. Presiding in righteousness necessitates a shared responsibility between husband and wife; together you act with knowledge and participation in all family matters. For a man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion.”- Howard W. Hunter
When you hear each others’ opinions, it should give you more respect for them because they actually have one. having their own opinion or a dissenting one from yours does not take anything away form you. You might not agree with it, and yet because they have one, you should appreciate it.

4. Show Humility and Charity for Each Other
There is an old saying, attributed to a sergeant major in Vietnam that goes, “Is this the hill you want to die on?” It goes along with another saying, “Choose your battles wisely.”
In a marriage, this is great counsel.
In an argument, you get the chance to choose when and how you are going to relent your point of view.
I remember hearing a long time ago, by whom I don’t remember, that all argument is selfish. It’s just a matter of one or both of you being selfish. Arguing correctly gives you an opportunity to be humble and at a certain point say, “I’m sorry” or “Your right”. When you do this you humble yourself to a greater good…the peace in your marriage and home. EVEN IF YOU ARE RIGHT, (and I know you are), it is better to choose the right hill, than it is to “die” alone being “right”.

5. The Opportunity to Make Up
Obviously the best part of arguing! There are so many ways you get to make up as well. From a simple “I’m sorry”, which gives you a sense of relief and humility and them a feeling of gratitude. All the way to my favorite way, yep you guessed it, dinner and a movie…….no! Of course it’s sex. Yep I’m a man, and if you believe in astrology, I’m also a Scorpio (look it up) so what’s your point? If you read any of my other blogs on the subject you will also know there are many other benefits to this form of making up as well.
“Make up sex” is a great form of getting back to each other in an intimate way. Both of you giving of yourselves both physically and emotionally. Done right, it is also a great way to show charity towards each other.

 

Show #26: It’s a Twin’s Business: Lily DagDag and Patricia Talavera

Show #26: It’s a Twin’s Business: Lily DagDag and Patricia Talavera

 

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Lily Dagdag and Patricia Talavera are twin sisters and business partners. Together they run Save Your Time Biz Solutions. Their goal is to encourage small business owners to focus on their zone of genius while outsourcing everything else. They use their love of technology to help small business owners create websites that will grow their business without stress and overwhelm.

 

 

Marriage Tip:

This one is for you guys, remember one way that you can help your wife feel great about your relationship is to make her feel secure. It is the number one driver for all women security, security  physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually even if she has a job, even if she is a confident woman, you need to show her security, you need to let her feel that she is secure in relationship and all those four aspects because when she doesn’t that’s when breakdown happens, when she doesn’t trust starts to diminish and that means she won’t look at you as her superman anymore. guys just listen to her, she will tell you what she needs, she will tell you where she is not feeling secure and when she does, your job is to listen to her and take action like the superman you want to be. Make her feel secure.

 

How they Met?

Patricia met her husband during elementary at school, they dated when they were in high school and they’ve been together ever since

Lily on the other hand she and her husband are childhood sweethearts.

 

When did God “Laugh”?

Lily: My husband was in military but then he got injured and expected to be with the process to take long but then in 6 months the process was done, so they have financial difficulty due to her husband out in the military and money was a little low so it was a big shock regarding with the turn of events knowing there is no steady income to rely on anymore.

Patricia: A few years ago, when I was thinking what I am going to do with my life where I decided to join the Air Force, I applied to an officers program, took exams, hired a trainer to get in shape but then I was not able to get in, that sucks. I was encouraged to take masters degree to be promoted to a higher position, so I took up my masters degree but in the middle of taking it I found out that I was pregnant. So i decided to stop my masters, I can’t proceed with my plans thinking I will be separated with my baby.

 

Hardest Thing About Being/ being married to an Entrepreneur?

Lily: The fact that I am a workaholic and a perfectionist so when you are the one in charge with your schedule you think you work less but in reality it doesn’t, its hard to set boundaries when you know you have to work hard for your family but when you are with your family you feel guilty that you are not working at that point.

Patricia:  Same here, that is actually a big thing. I spent a lot of time with Lily’s and my husband would say hey I did not see you more often here in the house and then realized that yeah I need to be more at home.

 

Favorite Thing About Being a/Married to an Entrepreneur?

Lily: Flexibility.

Patricia: It’s the target of working hard and he sees I love what I do and he is supporting us.

 

How Do You Separate Your Business from Marriage?

Lily: We do try significant dates, significant anniversaries. We attended activities for couples.

Patricia: Try spending time with my husband without my daughter just us together.

 

Favorite Book?

Lily: Lucky Bitch by Denise Thomas

Patricia: Unmarketing

 

Super Powers?

Lily: I’m not sure.

Patricia: I got nothing.

 

Best advice?

Lily: The whole  “don’t go to bed angry” I’ve always thought that it is a horrible thing to do, really the best thing to do is sleep and in the morning you forgot about it when you wake up than talk about it and try to settle it before you go to sleep it will just get worse and worse and worse.

Patricia: To read the book The Five Love Languages, it is important to give credits to what your husband’s doing.

 

Eulogy Life Message:

Lily: Nothing is important as it seems and it’s not in a negative way, no sense in living life facing future problems that may and not come.

Patricia: You can’t make everybody happy so just make yourself happy. Do whatever you want to do.

 

Business Contact Information:

Website: saveyourtimebizsolutions.com

 

Show #25: Platinum Payment System: Ryan and Ali Ellefsen

Show #25: Platinum Payment System: Ryan and Ali Ellefsen

 

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Ryan Ellefson Headshot

Ryan Ellefsen is the President of Platinum Payment Systems (www.platpay.com), and is also the Vice-President of National Marketing Resources (NMR).  Ryan graduated from BYU in 1998, and completed his Master Degree in 2004.  He and his wife Ali have been married for 17 years, and have four children.  Ryan joined National Marketing Resources in 2004 and in 2011 became the company’s Vice-President of Merchant Services.  NMR specializes in infomercial production, media purchasing, online sales, affiliate sales, telemarketing, seminars, and product creation.  In 2009, Ryan started National Processing Services as a processing solution for his company and others in the high-risk industry.  Shortly thereafter, NPS merged with Platinum Payment Systems, which was founded in 2004.  In 2012, Platinum Payment Systems has grown 14,000%, making it one of the fastest growing companies in the country.  Ryan’s unique view of credit card processing from both the merchant and bank perspective have made him an invaluable source of information for businesses interested in, or already accepting, credit card sales.

 

Marriage Tip:

Play full out. Too many people often have one foot out and one foot in in a relationship and its kind of like standing in a shore one foot in a boat an done foot on the ground, eventually you are going to fall, eventually you are going to end up in a bum. You have to be willing to play full out in your relationship even all you got, be willing to go outside your comfort zone, we are going to get the most when we play full out and be willing to give all of your heart, all of your soul and all of your mind to your spouse and when you do that, you will create a foundation of love, trust, respect and peace between the two of you.

 

How they Met?

They met at college, they were in the same dorm and apartment complex. They became closer due to church activities they attended.

 

When did God “Laugh”?

Just this last year, Ryan was diagnosed with cancer, they consider it definitely a twist in their lives.

 

Hardest Thing About Being/ being married to an Entrepreneur?

Ali: The hardest thing is Ryan is not very content in anything he has in life. He always wants to do more, looking for the next big thing and he always open on new little side businesses causing him to bleed on that side of his life.

Ryan: Probably similar to what Ali said. I look for happiness to wrong places, I do tend to neglect spiritual things in our life or take it for granted. I look happiness on work, looking always for bigger and newer.

 

Favorite Thing About Being a/Married to an Entrepreneur?

Ali: I never worry about financial things, Ryan is a very good worker, if he loses a job he can just have one right away due to his passion on work. I also like the fact that Ryan loves what he does and it is great to see him happy on his career.

Ryan: The freedom to do what I want and gives me the flexibility to do things whenever it is.

 

How Do You Separate Your Business from Marriage?

Once a week they go on a date, trying not to bring business or talk about it at home and go out to dine to just talk everything.

 

Favorite Book?

Ryan: The guys I work with my biggest resource and influence in business.

Ali: None.

 

Super Powers?

Ali: Patience

Ryan: Persuasion

 

Best advice?

Ali: When I had my bridal shower, one of my cousins says it would be a huge temptation to you when talking to other females specially to husband bash, things that are very personal in your marriage stays in your marriage.

 

Eulogy Life Message:

Ryan: Everybody in the world is searching for happiness, long lasting happiness and most people are looking in a wrong place. True happiness comes when you have in life is having Christ in the center.

Ali: Always try new things to keep on growing.

 

Business Contact Information:

Website: http://platpay.com/

Show #24: The six promise foundation: Nichole Goudreau

Show #24: The six promise foundation: Nichole Goudreau

 

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Nichole Goudreau is an attorney and award-winning criminal justice instructor admitted to practice in Pennsylvania.  Nichole has conducted academic research on comparative criminal justice, juror behavior, attorney performance and trial practices in the U.S. and abroad.  She currently maintains an estate planning practice with a focus on serving newly formed families, Hoskins & Associates [LINK-www.hoskinsassociates.com] and is the founder and executive director of The 6th Promise Foundation, a nonprofit that exists to protect the spirit of the 6th Amendment and provide low-income criminal defendants with access to comprehensive legal representation.

Thank you, and I am looking forward to it!

 

 

Marriage Tip:

Laugh more. It is so surprising to me on how many couples that I talked with that I found out about their challenges and the issues int heir marriage and I ask them “what was the last time you had fun and you just laugh?” Too many people come up with empty answers.

Now laughter is truly is the best medicine. Think about when you first got together, most likely if I’m talking to you and you’re listening to this, you built a foundation a piece of being laughter and fun and enjoying one another. So what are you doing to have actively have fun with one another? what do you do in doing actively have a laugh with one another? And even if you have to break up this old movies or go to a comedy club, find ways to laugh with one another it truly is a healer and more importantly I believe it is a fertilizer to a more love, passion and understanding to one another in your relationship.

Go  out! laugh with one another!

 

 

When did God “Laugh”?

Nicole had this idea of going to college, get married, have kids and having all of it when she’s 29 but she met her husband way past in her 30s.

 

Hardest Thing About Being/ being married to an Entrepreneur?

Time management.

 

Favorite Thing About Being a/Married to an Entrepreneur?

Nicole feels fortunate to have a supportive husband. He supports on whatever Nicole wants to do.

 

How Do You Separate Your Business from Marriage?

Time management, set hours focused on family and talked to husband on plans to do on weekends and weekend time with the family.

 

Favorite Book?

Google.

 

Super Powers?

A cyborg that can see through things.

 

Best advice?

Don’t quit.

 

Eulogy Life Message:

Nicole: Make a difference in somebody else’s life, the fact that I was here has a positive impact on someone else.  It is not about me, make an impact on somebody’s life.

 

Business Contact Information:

Website: 6thpromise.org

For legal services: Hoskins and Associates

Show #23: Sleepy Paws: Dave and Kim Westwood

Show #23: Sleepy Paws: Dave and Kim Westwood

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After years of working in a retail management position, Kim Westwood had the desire to stay home with their son Josh.  In 2009, Kim along with her husband Dave, founded Sleepy Paws Pet Care.  Since then, Sleepy Paws has grown to become one of the premier pet sitting companies in Chester County, PA, taking care of hundreds of four-legged friends in Downingtown, Exton and the surrounding areas.  In 2010 and 2011, Sleepy Paws was a finalist in the PHL17 Hot List contest for the Philadelphia area’s top pet sitting companies.

Sleepy Paws Pet Care has helped raise money for several area organizations including the Chester County SPCA, Chester County Bark for Life (Relay For Life), Windsor Christian Academy and Give A Hand for A Leg.  Sleepy Paws Pet Care is a member of the Chester County Pet Care Network, The Association of Pet Sitting Excellence (APSE) and Professional United Pet Sitters (PUPS).

In addition to their son Josh, Kim and Dave live in the Downingtown area with their 3 dogs (Precious, Daisy and Max) as well as several cats.

 

Marriage Tip:

Create a safe space. In all the trainings that we do whether we are mentoring with one on one or our life group training we always create 3 specific rules. On second rule we always talk about and have to really focus on creating safe space, making sure everybody in the room or everybody in the call understands that this is the space that we can talk about things without judgement, without argument, without the feeling of being blamed or being punished that we have this space that we can have a real conversation with one another that is how relationship truly grows.

If you don’t have that in your relationship, it is very important to create that, creating a space whether it be a time, a time in a day and announce “hey, we are going to be in the same space, there’s no judgement, there’s no argument, no blame, it’s just that I need to really talk and vent my feelings without you trying to fix it or deal with anything, just hear me”.  When you create that same space, you’ll create for a foundation for one another that you’ll know that you are truly each others best friend and you are truly rooting for one another. Do not forget you are both on the same team so act like it by creating a safe space for one another.

 

How they Met?

They met at a convenient store where Dave was working. Dave worked there to be closer to his girlfriend before to see her more often but the relationship did not last. So there he met Kim, where she lived just 4 doors from the convenient store Dave was working, they talk and from there their relationship blossomed.

 

When did God “Laugh”?

Kim and Dave have ups and downs on their marriage. They had created several business before and thought it would be a success but instead it did not.

 

Hardest Thing About Being/ being married to an Entrepreneur?

Dave’s hardest part of being an entrepreneur and having a corporate job is time management plus he is also a husband that needs to give time to his wife and his family.

 

Favorite Thing About Being a/Married to an Entrepreneur?

Freedom of work hours and flexibility.

 

How Do You Separate Your Business from Marriage?

Dave thinks that it’s challenge on separating business from marriage, since having a business and a corporate job, on business they get weird hour calls but they learn to work it on a way by scheduling time with family, blocking Saturday mornings schedule to have it as family time, going places and taking out family.

 

Favorite Book?

Dave: Virtual Freedom by Chris Ducker

 

Super Powers?

Dave: Having an instinct of reading someone, able to tell if I am being played.

 

Best advice?

Dave: My dad told me that whatever you do take care of each other, because you may not be able to depend on anybody from the outside world but if you take care of each other you can depend on one another.

 

Eulogy Life Message:

Be true to yourself so you can be true to others.

 

Business Contact Information:

Website: Sleepy-paws.com

Show #22: Savings Angel: Josh and Jenny Elledge

Show #22: Savings Angel: Josh and Jenny Elledge

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Josh Elledge is on a mission to help Americans save money and time so they can give. He is Founder and Chief Executive Angel of SavingsAngel.com®, which bolsters the buying power of the average U.S. family by combining technology, coupons and smart thinking for extreme savings on household consumables and everyday items.

Through his work with SavingsAngel.com, Elledge has emerged as one of the nation’s leading experts on consumer savings.

Elledge launched SavingsAngel, Inc. from his Holland, Michigan, home in 2007. Like most Americans, he wanted to reduce his family’s grocery bill; armed with a background in information technology and internet development, he did just that. Elledge’s technologic tinkering cut his family of five’s monthly grocery bill by half, to $300, and created SavingsAngel.com®, the most comprehensive coupon and sale matching service available. Members have access to extensive personalized help, time-saving pre-shopping tools and hundreds of sale-coupon matches each week to help them save money in their local stores.

Since then, Elledge has shared his successful couponing and savings expertise with hundreds of thousands of families, both online, in person as a dynamic public speaker, and through his weekly appearances as an expert on Fox 35 Orlando, as a weekly syndicated columnist for eight newspapers (with total readership above 1.5 million readers), and on a number of radio and TV stations across the country (37 in total).

 

Marriage Tip:

Set up your core values or guiding principles in your marriage, that way you can know you are both on track. If you look at companies like Zapples and Google, they have specific core values that guide them in everything they do. Zapples for example wants to make sure that they are The name and Customer Service so in everything that they do is based around their customer service policy, the way they hire people, the way they fire people and every single people that interacts with anybody in that company gets and exceptional customer service experience because that is their guiding principle.

So what is your guiding principle in your marriage or in your family? So my challenge to you is to sit down together as a husband and wife and then hopefully as a family and decide what is our guiding principles, what do we stand for? what is acceptable in our home and in our marriage and what is not acceptable in our home and in our marriage and then place them somewhere, make sure they are visual so people can see them consistently so people come to your home they also can see it because if you have guiding principle guiding you, telling you how to act then you can create anything you want in your relationship. Create your core values.

 

How they Met?

They met in Hawaii in a luau. Jenny treated herself for a vacation in Hawaii and join a luau while Josh join the luau the last minute and from there, their story happened.

 

When did God “Laugh”?

Getting married is not Josh radar but because of cupids arrow he realized he just can’t simple let go of Jenny.

 

Hardest Thing About Being/ being married to an Entrepreneur?

Jenny: It can be challenging in some ways but not fun in some ways. The inconsistency if the business is doing well at all times. If business is doing good.

 

Favorite Thing About Being a/Married to an Entrepreneur?

Jenny: It has a lot a benefits,  I like my husband working at home, flexibility of time and most of all I can see him do what he is on earth to do.

 

How Do You Separate Your Business from Marriage?

Having date nights, doing weekly connection, getting out and enjoying each other and most importantly having conversations.

 

Favorite Book?

Josh: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

 

Super Powers?

Jenny: Got the eyes at the back of the head (as a mother)

Josh: Being able to receive clear inspiration.

 

Best advice?

Jenny: You need to be loyal to your spouse.

Josh: If you have a problem, work through that out.

 

Eulogy Life Message:

Josh: finding answers within yourself, try to reflect, not just find answer in your logical brain but if when you get something, test it out. Seek the beauty within, test it in and be the beauty in the world.

Jenny: You are the most valuable assets in the relationship you have in your life. The relationships that you have and developed for the rest of your life can stay with you and that forms you of becoming who you are.

 

Business Contact Information:

Website: SavingsAngel.com

Show # 21: Married with Language: Betsy and Warren Talbot

Show # 21: Married with Language: Betsy and Warren Talbot

 

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Betsy and Warren Talbot are the authors of Married with Luggage: What We Learned About Love by Traveling the World. They also co-host the popular Married with Luggage podcast, a weekly conversation with experts around the world on love, sex, and communication in today’s modern relationships. When they aren’t traveling the world, you can

find them writing their next book in a small, whitewashed village in Spain. Find out more about their relationship hacks and real-world insights at MarriedwithLuggage.com.

 

Marriage Tip:

Create a safe space. In all the trainings that we do whether we are mentoring with one on one or our life group training we always create 3 specific rules. On second rule we always talk about and have to really focus on creating safe space, making sure everybody in the room or everybody in the call understands that this is the space that we can talk about things without judgement, without argument, without the feeling of being blamed or being punished that we have this space that we can have a real conversation with one another that is how relationship truly grows.

If you don’t have that in your relationship, it is very important to create that, creating a space whether it be a time, a time in a day and announce “hey, we are going to be in the same space, there’s no judgement, there’s no argument, no blame, it’s just that I need to really talk and vent my feelings without you trying to fix it or deal with anything, just hear me”.  When you create that same space, you’ll create for a foundation for one another that you’ll know that you are truly each others best friend and you are truly rooting for one another. Do not forget you are both on the same team so act like it by creating a safe space for one another.

 

How they Met?

Warren and Betsy met in 2002 at work. Betsy did not like Warren at first but Warren work it out.

 

When did God “Laugh”?

They were at a cruise at Antarctica and experience a major storm but inspite of that scary experience they were able to change their lives by approaching the hotel manager and asked about what the cruise crew do after the tour and the hotel manager said they cruise up north and start the arctic season and Warren asked if they could come and the hotel manager said yes and their lives changed since the experience is breath taking.

 

Hardest Thing About Being/ being married to an Entrepreneur?

Betsy: We both want to be boss. Also sharing responsibility desalinating chores maybe it be for travel or work I think that is the hardest part to navigate.

Warren: Biggest challenge is we both live, travel together 24/7. Every decision must be decided by both of them of anything what is in front.

 

Favorite Thing About Being a/Married to an Entrepreneur?

Freedom, travel and flexibility.

 

How Do You Separate Your Business from Marriage?

Having a definite time off,  like vacation with no internet or completely offline. They don’t want to be totally consumed by their work or work will take over their lives but they love working.

To keep their romance alive, they talk about everything, saying little things such as sorry is already big for them and help them appreciate each other.

 

Favorite Book?

Betsy: Do the Work by Steven Pressfield

Warren: My Little Instruction Book

 

Best advice?

Betsy: From my grandmother, Take it seriously this time.

Warren: Hold hands, a simple gesture but is really appreciated.

 

Eulogy Life Message:

Warren: Lived life every single moment.

Betsy: Do whatever thing you set to do and do what you do.

 

Business Contact Information:

Website: www.marriedwithluggage.com/