Don’t over complicate things. You don’t have to learn the in’s an outs of NLP. No need to be a master of body language. If you want to build a relationship of trust, especially with your spouse or your kids, just follow these 5 simple steps.
1. Let them know you care about what they have to say. – They can tell if you are actually listening or if you are just waiting for your turn to speak. If they feel that you actually want to hear their opinion, then they will be more open.
2. Don’t get distracted. Cell phones, televisions and other people can be huge distractions. The moment you glance down at the phone because you heard a ding, you’ve lost them. However, if the phone dings and you don’t even flinch, they will know that your conversation with them is more important than a text from someone else.
3. Ask questions: The more the better. Just like the layers of the earth, it usually takes about 7 to get to the core of the conversation. At about question 4 their subconscious takes a mental note by thinking, “wow, this person actually cares.” It will go a long way in their connection with you.
4. Balance the give and take: No one wants to fee dominated in a conversation, nor do they want to feel like they are dominating. When you have a good balance of opinion you both walk away with a feeling of trust.
5. Be willing to disagree with a desire to understand: Don’t be fake but don’t be a dishrag either. If you don’t agree with them, it’s probably because you don’t fully understand their point of view (see #3). However, it is impossible to believe you will agree with everything they say, all the time. So make sure you are clear that you not agreeing doesn’t mean you don’t like them. Tell them that you appreciate their opinion and that they are willing to share it with you.
In a marriage, as a parent, in sales or just in meeting someone new, building relationships is vital. Learning to build one based on trust and mutual respect is achievable rather quickly if you are willing to follow these steps.
In every conversation over this next week try to include all of these steps and see how fast your relationships improve.