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Best practices for helping your kids cope with the divorce…if that’s possible.

February 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment

My oldest brother came to our last Business of Marriage event. In the event, I tell the story of when my mom announced to us that she and my dad were divorcing while eating ice cream. After the event, my brother told me that he had a different experience than I did. My whole life I thought he and my other siblings were told about my parents deciding to end their marriage on that same night as I remember. However, he explained that my dad had gone to him and my other brother a few weeks before my sister and I knew, and told them that he was no longer in love with my mom (probably not the best words to use) and that they were getting a divorce. I had no idea.

In the following article, there’s tips on how to help children cope with divorce the best way possible.

http://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/447277

I hope you never have to use it, but if you do find yourself going through this difficult situation, I believe being equipped with the best knowledge possible will help your family get through it.

Love & light,
Dino

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Are you making the same mistake over and over again in your marriage?

February 23, 2012 By Leave a Comment

What mistakes are you making over and over again in your marriage?

I have a few. I have been working on my resistance on making my bed ever since I was a kid and my mom yelled at me about doing so. This has not stopped in my marriage. I know Shannon loves to have the bed made, I just do not cooperate in this effort. It’s a little thing, I know, but it’s an act of love when I do it, and disregards her wishes when I don’t. It’s one of those little mistakes I’ve continually made, that when changed, will signify more than just a tidy bed.

I recently read an article by Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, that offered a  great perspective on continual mistakes we make and strategies to help you improve them.

continue reading

Health & Happiness,

Dino

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Oprah and Tony Robbins made me think…and cry a little.

February 21, 2012 By 1 Comment

Last night I watched the new Oprah’s Next Chapter as she interviewed Anthony Robbins. It was a great interview and I really appreciated the approach she took with him. Even more so I appreciated that Oprah actually went to the first day of his Unleash the Power Within event and played full out. She’s Oprah! She could have easily just observed what was going on and half heartedly participated, but she really went for it.

At one point Tony Robbins asked the audience of over 4,000 people to put their hand on their heart, close their eyes and think of a blessing they had in their life. One that really changed the course of their life, but that they might not think about as often. Oprah’s breakthrough about when her father took her in when she was 14 and pregnant was really touching. As I watch that happen I thought to myself that same question Tony Robbins asked and I immediately went in my mind to the moment I knew I was to marry Shannon.

I was driving down the Cajon Pass on the 15 freeway in California. I had been fasting and praying all day about what I should do when it came to her and my relationship. We hadn’t seem each other for a few years as we’d both been out of the country doing service work on 2 separate continents. She had recently returned, and I had just spent the weekend greeting her home and also severing our on again off again relationship. We ended the weekend saying a final goodbye to each other as she was going back to school at NAU in Arizona, and I was driving back  to L.A. to be a famous actor. To make things even more complicated, I was seriously dating someone else at the time.
 However, that little voice inside was telling me I had made a HUGE mistake in letting her go. As I was driving back home I decided to say a verbal prayer asking my Heavenly Father what I should do. In order to really feel the Spirit, I put in a tape of some meditation music. As I started listening to the song, I started my verbal prayer. I did not get more than one sentence in when suddenly a flood of emotion came over me that was so intense and so strong I began to cry. It was a spiritual experience like I had never experienced before, and have not since, of complete knowledge and understanding that I already knew the answer. I was without a doubt to marry Shannon! I was so overcome by joy that the tears flowed down my cheeks. I am sure if anyone in the passing cars looked over at me during that few moments, they would have thought something very strange or tragic was going on. However, I did not notice or care about anything else other than the confirmation in my entire body that Shannon and I were meant to be together. It was the defining moment in my life when it comes to being blessed with an answer.

Thinking of that as I watched Oprah, I was grateful for such a strong experiance in my life and I wondered if there are other stories out in the world like mine. I’m sure there are, and we’d love to hear them.

When, how and where did you know that you were supposed to marry your spouse? What was the moment like and how often do you remember it?

Share your experiences here, it’s a great way to affirm the power of love!

Dino

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Economic woes can actually strengthen your marriage

February 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Recession Proof your Marriage-

Economic setbacks like unemployment or mortgage woes are linked to big declines in marital happiness, but a minority of married Americans say the recession has deepened their commitment to their spouse, according to a new report.

Recession proof your Marriage

The study, compiled by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, concludes that the recession has both “stressed and strengthened” American marriages. The study authors said while the recession has brought “considerable stress” to many American couples, it has also forged stronger ties in some relationships and delayed divorce among some unhappy couples who can’t afford to separate.

The results are based on a nationally representative sample of 1,197 married Americans ages 18 to 45. The findings, based on information gathered in December and January, offer a recent snapshot of how the current economic climate is affecting married couples in the United States.

The data show that the more economic stress men and women face, the less happy they are in marriage. Over all, 82 percent of respondents reported being “very happy” or “happy” in their marriages. However, financial stress was a strong predictor of lower marital happiness. Among men and women with no financial stress, 87 percent reported being happy or very happy in marriage. The number dropped to 84 percent among those who reported one major economic worry. But among those who had two or three financial worries, only 67 percent reported that they were happy in marriage.

It’s long been known that economic downturns can artificially dampen divorce rates as unhappy couples stay together primarily for financial reasons. Among the respondents in the University of Virginia study, about 5 percent said they were contemplating separation or divorce, but nearly four in 10 of those people said the recession had prompted them to postpone plans to split up.

While those troubled relationships may eventually end in divorce, the study found that three in 10 respondents said the stress of the economic downturn had actually “deepened” their commitment to marriage.

“Some people are putting off divorce until they have the financial means to go ahead with it,” noted W. Bradford Wilcox, associate professor of sociology and director of the National Marriage Project. “But for some couples, our data indicate that they have deepened their commitment to marriage. I think that deepened commitment will be there even after the economy improves.”

While most economists are predicting a spike in divorce rates with economic recovery, it’s not clear whether the trend will be slowed because some marriages have been strengthened by the trials of the economic downturn.

“What is surprising is that everyone knows divorce has come down since the recession, but there is a question of whether people are postponing divorce until their finances improve or if some couples have rededicated themselves to marriage and now look at marriage in a different light,” Dr. Wilcox said.

He noted that different marriages respond differently to various forms of stress, which is why it’s difficult to predict how the recession will ultimately affect divorce rates. The data do suggest that working-class couples with a high school education or less are most vulnerable to divorce, compared with men and women with college degrees.

“I think we’ll see an uptick in divorce once the recovery is in full swing,” concedes Dr. Wilcox. “But we have to recognize there have been some couples who have developed a new appreciation for their marriage because of this great recession.”

 

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/07/for-some-a-recession-proof-marriage/

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Date Night Tips~ Use them tonight on your Valentines date!

February 14, 2012 By 1 Comment

How to raise the bar on your date nights, and not treat them like just a “night out”.

Date night is simply one of the best things couples can do for their marriage. It nourishes the relationship mentally, emotionally, socially and physically.

In our Business of Marriage seminars we spend time going deeper into this principle, but for now here’s a few tips to stepping it up a notch.
Consider these four rules for raising the bar on your date night:

1. No cell phones or other electronic devices

Even if your phone is a major part of your job, surely it can wait for you and your spouse to have a few hours of uninterrupted couple time once a week. If you are always on your phone, just imagine what a powerful message it will be to your honey for you to “just say no” to your phone for a few hours.

I hope it goes without saying that you do not ever play a video game on your cell phone during date night unless that happens to be what you and your spouse are doing together for date night.

And when you happen to go online to check movie times or the address for the restaurant don’t check your e-mail, or the news, or your social networking sites or anything else. Date night is for connecting with your spouse not your cell phone.

2. Minimize babysitting distractions

If it’s your kids or the babysitter that keeps calling, then it may be time to train them to call only in a real emergency. Some kids call their parents on date night multiple times for unimportant reasons simply because it’s what they are in the habit of doing.

It’s just not much of a date night if you’re on the phone with your kids all night. A good rule of thumb we used to train our kids was to say, “Unless someone is seriously bleeding, not breathing or dying, please don’t call us.” That eliminated 99% of the calls we used to get.

You’re also going to have to train yourself to stop answering their calls every few minutes. Be sure to provide enough information to your babysitter and your kids to eliminate the need for them to call.

If your own children are your babysitters they too need to be taught how to get along and how to solve their own problems. A suggestion I heard from a family was that they paid their kids varied amounts for babysitting based on how well they got along and were able to solve their own problems.

It was up to everyone to determine who deserved how much money depending on how they behaved that evening. It’s amazing how quickly their kids learned to get along in order to get their full pay. It also cut out a lot of unnecessary phone calls.

3. Show uncommon courtesy

Date night is a great night to be on your best behavior and to step up your courtship courtesies, as if it were your first date. Husbands, get your wife’s door. Wives let him, and say thank you. These uncommon courtesies make date night an extra special time.

Treat each other the way you hope to teach your teenagers to treat their dates. Your kids will benefit not only from seeing your example but also from how it will positively impact your marriage.

4. Touch more

Remember how much you wanted to touch and be close when you were dating? Date night is an opportunity to engage in affection even if it’s not a regular habit during the rest of your day.

It’s mind boggling to see couples out on a date who never touch. If you are walking together grab each other’s hand or walk arm in arm. If you are sitting together in a movie or restaurant, sit close and touch in some way. It wouldn’t hurt to steal a little kiss sometime during the date as well. A little PDA (public display of affection) is good for the marital soul!

Because intimate touch is the dessert of married life, date night might be a great time for you both to look forward to a little bit of lovemaking after all that emotional foreplay during your date. Intimate physical nourishment in marriage is as important as emotional or spiritual nourishment.

While the main purpose of date night is to have some uninterrupted time alone together to have fun and reconnect emotionally and even physically, I hope you’ll take these suggestions and apply them in your marriage to raise the bar on your own date nights.

Happy Valentine’s Day!
 

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Our Talk from TEDx: Can we change the collective continuous about divorce?

February 6, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Shannon and I were honored to be a part of TEDx Bountiful and got to share our message about changing the way we “group think” about divorce.

 

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