How do you talk to your spouse? Your kids? What is the language in your home like?
Ok, well not exactly. He is talking about having a business plan for your marriage and that is what I am all about! Check out this link as well as his FB fan page where others have commented about The Business of Marriage!
Why is it people say that a good marriage is “A lot of hard work”?. Marriage should be fun work!
Have you ever noticed the way a child will often shutdown and become withdrawn when they are being disciplined, i.e. folding their arms, head and shoulders slumped down, stop talking and become increasingly non-responsive to what you are asking or demanding ,and the way we act as adults in an argument with our spouse is very similar? In the book Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson explores this unique way of looking at our married relationships. Focusing on the idea that we are all just wanting to know we are always emotionally bonded to our spouse and the breakdown in marriages happens when we do not have that security. Here is a small paragraph of her book. I highly recommend it to all of you.
“Isolation and the potential loss of love in connection is coded by the human brain into a primal panic response. This need for safe emotional connection to a few loved ones in wired by millions of years of evolution. Distressed partners may use different words but they are always asking the same basic questions, “Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? Will you come when I need you, when I call?” Love is the best survival mechanism there is, and to feel suddenly emotionally cut off from a partner, disconnected, is terrifying. We have to reconnect, to speak our needs in a way that moves our partner to respond. This longing for emotional connection with those nearest to us is the emotional priority, overshadowing even the drive for food or sex.”
Could you be driving a perfectly good relationship onto a crash course? If you’re participating any of the following five romance-foiling pitfalls, the answer is yes. Instead of steering toward failure, you can increase your chances for a long-term love affair by avoiding these common self-destructive practices.
1. You’re frequently disappointed by your partner’s gifts or gestures.
He might not have the greatest taste in jewelry or the latest fashions, and consequently his gifts may fall short of your stylish expectations. But in matters of the heart, it really is the thought that counts. If you want to stay in good favor, be thankful of the effort. After all, nothing discourages gift-giving or spontaneous romantic gestures like real or perceived criticism from the recipient.
2. You focus on his faults.
Even Mr. Right is not going to be perfect. In fact, far from it. A solid relationship is not about verbally beating his flaws out of him any more than it is about him expecting you to change into his “dream girl.” The secret is to learn to love even the things you hate about him—or at least recognize that they are to be embraced as part of the gloriously imperfect package. If you can accept his less savory qualities, he’s more likely to be able to return the courtesy—and that’s an indication of true compatibility. Besides, if it’s the real deal, even his faults may grow into endearing idiosyncrasies.
3. You’re too available or have drastically changed your routine for him.
It might be tempting to spend all your free time with your significant other, especially during the “honeymoon stage.” But losing yourself in your loved one invariably results in backlash, which might include bickering or a loss of interest on his part. Schedule a girl’s night out with your gal pals, don your hottest LBD and sky-scraping heels and leave your man on his own for the night. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Plus, maintaining your own identity and routine lets him know you that while you want him in your life, you don’t need him—independence and confidence never stops being attractive.
4. You’ve stopped getting glam for your dates…ever.
As a relationship becomes more serious, what you lose in excitement you make up for in intimacy. There’s something to be said for a cozy movie night at home in which you wear his favorite T-shirt. However, taking the time to don your hottest date night dress or throwing on new lingerie, may breathe new life in your relationship and remind you both of your exciting beginning.
5. You discuss your relationship too much.
Once you’ve moved past the casual dating stage to full-on coupledom, it might be tempting to talk about your relationship more. Beware of discussing the ins and outs of your courtship, asking repeatedly if he is “OK” or obsessing on your relationship’s rough edges. Not to say you shouldn’t have an open communication, but make sure you’re living in the moment and keeping things fun and light on a regular basis. After all, you get what you focus on.